Marriage Letters: On Loss

Hey Huni,

I had to think about this one for a minute.  At first I was thinking, we haven’t really suffered any loss.  But then I remembered that we walked down the aisle in complete bliss and love but our faces were still moist from fresh fallen tears due to the hurt from mourning Grandma Willie Mae.  A few short months later, we were back at it again when we loss Granddaddy WJ.  And recently when I cried and said goodbye to Linda, you were there with hugs and prayers and “It’s gonna be okay” enough that I believed you.  So, we have experienced real loss as we said goodbye to people who had been in your life all of your life but who made an indelible mark on me in such a short time and vice versa.

But some how I felt that I should dig a little deeper and really think about other ways that we have experienced loss.  And I don’t mean to whine because by God’s grace we have had such a blessed life, but we have certainly had some losses from which to recover.  One that comes to mind is when we were expecting Izzie, had just moved back to NC from MD and there was just no money. None.  And the promise of money was like a watermark; hard to decipher and very uncertain.  Times were hard, but then they got harder!!  Whew!!  The threats and losses almost overwhelmed us.  The loss of peace of mind, security, and, at times, faith, was a sure sign of how much trust we needed to gain.  I am so thankful for you and how you stood strong, a man, the man, taking care of us and doing whatever it took to make sure that we were okay.  More than your efforts though, I appreciate your walk with Christ because that is what gave us strength to keep looking for hope when all signs read “Give up!”

I wouldn’t dare downplay losing comfort in comparison to losing people.  To lose any person is a priceless and irreplaceable loss. We face that every time we visit 410.  I am so thankful that I got to lose comfort with you first, though.  Having those extremely hard times with you made me feel a little safer in the case of a more tragic loss.  I have an example of how you’ll handle yourself and an illustration of your heart.  Lord knows that loss is not a way that I would choose to experience Him but I thank Him for you and pray that He’ll allow me to keep you when loss knocks again.  I’ve been learning so much about how God chooses to show us His love and you are one of the ways.  I’m grateful that I get to hold your hand to take some of the sting out of loss.  Thanks for all the ways you’ve been there so far.

Loving you,

pamela t.

Next Monday will be my last letter in this series.  This has really been some sweet writing for my marriage.  I am grateful to share it with whomever chooses to read it.  There are some other really good letters out there that have pulled me toward my husband in real ways and they may be a joy and a help for you to read as well.  Take a look at http://therunamuck.com/2012/04/23/marriage-letters-on-loss/.

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